Feed the Cosmo Candle
by Kd Zeal
Summary: AU, postmeteor, Elenacentric.  After Meteor, Elena's the only survivor.  At Cosmo Canyon, she remembers her past and contemplates her future.  Mild violence.


AN: This is a very old story that I recently re-found. I don't own anything.

"Feed the Cosmo Candle?" the boy asked, precocious as always, offering the fragrant incense to me. "Only one gil!" I smiled and gave the boy my gil, emptying my pocket to do so. "Blessings upon you!" he said, handing me three incense cakes.

I held the brown cakes gently, knowing how easily they would crumble. The Candle burned merrily, high and hot. I was alone in feeding the flames; today wasn't a festival day, and the inhabitants of Cosmo Canyon were satisfied with their lives, with no need to burn incense. I sat very near to the flames, probably too near, and slowly unwrapped the first cake. It was mellow, musty, speaking of days long gone. "For memory," I whispered, gently tossing the incense into the flames. The fire roared, engulfed the fuel. The sent swirled around me, inviting the memories I kept hidden and secret. Why was I here, if not for this?

"Damn you woman! You ain't nothin but a slut!" Crack!

Anger. What right…what right did he have to hit Mom!? He's not even my Dad! "You ain't my Dad! You leave her alone!" Hurt him. Make him pay.

"What's this? Hellcat!" Flying, thrown, head cracking against the wall. "You think you're a hellcat! You ain't nothin but a slut either, just like your whore mother!" His eyes change…not angry anymore. "Yeah, you a slut! So you ain't gonna mind me having some fun, are you?"

no…not again…I'm tired of remembering… The Candle burns brighter… _give me your pain…_

"You leave her alone! Don't you touch her!" No, Mom…No…

"Don't tell me what to do, you damn woman!" Mom, flying. Landing on the floor beside me… Why's her neck like that? What's she trying to say… He's laughing. Mom's hurt, and he's LAUGHING!! I'M GONNA _KILL_ HIM!!!

Sharp…wood? Who cares. It's sharp. "You leave us alone!" Bring the wood up, resistance, nothing now. It's in his chest…

I killed him. But Mom was dead too… Why am I doing this? _there is no healing without first cleaning the wound…_

16…orphan…broke. What life is left for me?

"Hey baby, you look like you could use some gil." Who's that…? Young man, red hair, some kind of blue suit.

"Yeah, maybe. What I gotta do?" Curious, but careful. Too many of these guys want the same thing…

He shrugs. "Nothing like that. We just need you to pick something up. You do okay, how's 200 gil sound?"

200 gil! A fortune… "What good's gil if I ain't around to spend it?"

"No danger. Not for you. You'll be perfectly safe, I promise. Turks honor."

Turks…My first job with them. Reno kept his promise. He always protected me. Always…

Meteor…closer now. Too close. Avalanche has failed. Just as the Turks failed. Failed to stop Sephiroth. And now Meteor is coming. Midgar will go first, and then the planet. "Reno? What if we were wrong?"

He turns to me, smiles. "I think we were."

"D-did Tseng die for nothing?"

"Hell no! Tseng died trying to stop this madness! His whole life, he lived for something, and he died for something too!"

"What are we living for?"

He just hangs his head. "Reno, what are we living for?"

He looks up again, smiles. Tears? He's crying? He doesn't say anything, just hauls me through the town, to a Shinra copter. He grabs some other people too, kids, mothers. Orders them all into the copter. "Reno…?"

"Go, Elena. Maybe there'll be somewhere safe…" Turns, orders the pilot to get out of here.

We made it. Midgar didn't. Nobody survived Midgar. Reno…

The fire popped, startling me out of my contemplation. Self-conscious, I wiped my tears away, only then realizing I'd been crying. The first incense cake was gone, eaten by the flames. Almost hypnotized by the Candle, I unwrapped the next packet, inhaling a green, living sent. I tossed it to the bonfire, and the sent mixed with the burning wood, taking on a bittersweet aspect. "For life," I murmured, for isn't all life mixed with tears?

Waking, finding myself curled up in a cleft in the cliff. How had I gotten here? Don't know; don't care, really. I'm cold, and hungry, but don't care about that, either. Don't even care what I'm doing.

_is this what he saved you for…_ A voice, from nowhere, blown on the wind. It speaks in the crackling tongue of the fire… _is this what he saved you for…to waste your life…?_ The wind blows stronger, from the northeast. A hot, dry wind, comforting yet revealing. _come to me. let me heal you…_ Woodenly, I follow. The sun burns me, the rain drenches me. Doesn't matter. _come to me_ The monsters are no less ferocious, yet they let me walk among them unnoticed. Unnoticed, unseen, unliving…? Don't care. Not important. _come to me_

Red cliffs, red sky, hot, dry wind. Flames in the distance. _do you see me…?_ Yes, I see you. Ever-burning flames, the heart of memory, and memory of life.

"Here I am."

"Here I am." I know who I am now. I have a past, a present. But it's not enough. I unwrap the final cake, crumble it and let the wind blow it away. But the Candle will have none of that, and roars greedily at the wind, catching the dust and releasing the sent. "For the future," I whisper, my own future crumbled and blown away, leaving me with only ashes.

_ashes are not all…look deeper_ At what? _does not the phoenix rise anew?_ The phoenix is a legend, a crazy, hopeful tale told to children. _look at me…_ the Candle entreats. I obey, morosely following the formless patterns of the flames. The wind blows stronger, and the flames part, revealing in an instant the heart of the fire. Gasping, I thrust my hand into the fire, heedless of danger. I've faced more on an easy mission! My fingers find what my eyes had seen, and I pull it out, needing confirmation. My hand survived the fire well enough, though I can't say the same for my sleeve…Opening my hand, I find a small, perfect diamond.

_do you see? you always have a future. sometimes, it is a better one…_

A future…it will be hard, yes, and possible dangerous, but…with time, and dedication, it will be as beautiful as this diamond.

AN: So, there you have it. Please leave a review on your way out.


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